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ELFARINA♥
"If you don't live for something, you'll die for nothing."
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An Explanation to Nobody.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011


(This heart fails in many ways. First and foremost, it has failed to feel in multitude ways that it should be able to. It no longer screams out loud inside of me. It no longer succeeds in moving me to act. It even fails in letting me say the words I thought I needed to say.)
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The weather was cold that night and I was covered up in an over-sized jacket. An ugly one, to be honest. I held my mobile phone in one hand, a cigarette stick in the other. I tried to dial those 8 digits I had engraved in my mind. I really tried.
But I truly failed.
I took a drag and a long chain of smoke followed out of my mouth afters, yet I did not feel any calmer. In fact, the anxiety built up as every moment passed. Five minutes later, both my hands were empty. I was not holding on to anything anymore.
Fine, it was true that I had chickened out. 
Communication was all it took to resolve the issue. Words - spoken words, to be exact - would close the distance that was ever-growing between us as each second ticked by. But I failed. Or rather, my heart had failed to move my fingers onto the cell phone buttons. I never acted in any other way.
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The simple lack of motivation leads to inactivity. Simple logic. I am sure you’d comprehend. My heart refuses to let me care anymore. I do not feel. That is it. For once, I begin to appreciate the simplicity of fact against belief. I believe that I care differ so much from me actually caring. I am sure you’d comprehend.
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Passing Remarks. Ah, the incomparable feeling of renewed Hope. Nothing captured this time, just Words. You've Lost Me, Haven't You? Or Have I Lost You? Voulez-vous? "I loved you first," she said. It's a Wrap! Down The Rabbit Hole. Up Close and Personal. Not Just Yet.


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