Can’t believe it has been nearly four years since you left us on in this cold, hard world. It is such a sad fact to realise that without you, life still went on. Things still happened. Nothing stopped, no, nothing stopped for you. Perhaps it did, for a little long while -my world stopped when you were taken away from me forever. But then, even I, moved along with the rest of the world. Even I, your one and only daughter, who thought I couldn’t live without you -even I, got back on my two feet and carried them with time. I do not feel bad though, for you live on in my heart. As I searched deep into my soul I know that’s exactly how I have been living without you. You’re there, deep within me, in my heart and soul. I don’t even get sad anymore you know; in fact, I can actually talk about your death without tears streaming down my face. Some have claimed I must have truly forgotten about you. I must have completely killed you out of my mind, out of my life -“Come on, she’s like always partying away man. How the fuck is that possible? Shouldn’t she still be affected by her mom’s death? Doesn’t she realise what a disappointment she has turned out to be? Especially having lost her mom. Omg, seriously, that bitch” -oh, they go on and on -in my face, behind my back, wherever possible. You know what though, I’ve never even bothered because I know you’re still with me. Wherever it is that I may go. That your strength, and your love, is in me. That is exactly why I am breathing right now.

Happy What-Could-Have-Been Your 44th birthday, Ma.