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TIS' BUT TRUTH IN MASQUERADE.
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profile  ELFARINA♥ "If you don't live for something, you'll die for nothing." |
ASK/TELL ME ANYTHING |
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Press Restart.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
I've decided to create a new site where I'll post all my writings at once under the different pages.
Don't bother coming to this site anymore.
Unstoppable.
Monday, October 8, 2012  
"We simply forget but we do not truly forgive."
Why, hello there.
Monday, September 17, 2012    Incidentally, not long ago, I found a place where my true happiness lies in, at the very core of it all. An unfortunate slight it is, for it remains in an unsearchable forbidden land, of a place unhealthy to the soul. It corrodes my soul, they say, yet in a fucking ironic manner it makes me happy. Happy, I swear. Even in the total absence of drugs - nicotine, codeine, ecstasy, Ks, and such - I bounced on endlessly on cloud nine. My cloud nine. I wonder if there's someone out there who understands the simplicity of this seemingly nonsensical perplexing argument I am trying to make (i.e. my logic). I know you are out there somewhere. At times I feel, I might have found you and lost you. A lost and found. You know, like every item's inevitable fate, except there's no box that you're dumped into in which I could simply retrieve you and hold you even closer than before. Cause you know that old age saying is fucking true: you always lose the ones you love. I have no additional capacity in my heart for salvation. Where do I go from here?
(#notetoself This is forever.)
 Simply because,
Thursday, July 5, 2012           
"the danger of an adventure is worth a thousand days of ease and comfort."
to more adventures in time xo The Great Escape.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012   
I have never felt so free in my life before.
The Night Circus.
Monday, June 4, 2012 "The circus arrives without warning." Now that killer hook definitely lured me into Erin Morgenstern's captivating world of fantasy. "Magic," the man in the grey suit repeats, turning the word into a laugh. "This is not magic. This is the way the world is, only very few people take the time to stop and note it. Look around you," he says, waving a hand at the surrounding tables. "Not a one of them even has an inkling of the things that are possible in this world, and what's worse is that none of them would listen if you attempted to enlighten them. They want to believe that magic is nothing but clever deception, because to think it real would keep them up at night, afraid of their own existence." I thought about that quote and came to a realisation (yeah, this overthinking and realising process happens to me a lot, as I've mentioned before)! It's simple actually - to believe in magic. At the core of it, it's all about accepting what is real and what is not. We have brains therefore we think and you know, it follows that "I think, therefore I am", as summarised by Descartes. You define your own existence, your own beliefs and the things that get you by in life. Personally, the book reminded me what it was like to be a child. The innocence and gullibility I once had to be entranced by every little thing that I chanced upon. I grew up believing in so many things. One, I was that girl who owned countless Barbie dolls, who believed I'd grow up and own those clothes, heels and mansions that my dolls had. Two, I was that girl who loved Disney princesses and believed in 'happily ever after'. Three, I was that girl who grew up thinking a stepmother is always evil. And the list goes on... I'm sure you get my drift. What was my point? The realisation I had, yes, is that I do not want to lose that painless gullibility I once possessed. That ability to accept and believe in things I lack explanation for. Not that I'm setting myself up to be duped each and every time, don't get me wrong. I do not want to be afraid by limitations, and be bounded by parameters. In one way or another, I found myself letting go of all the ropes that went round and round my core existence. I wanted to blog about that particular sensation. It was an indescribable feeling. I'm sorry for the lack of word at this point. Perhaps some moments are meant to be felt inside your heart. Through the Rain.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
And when the rain blows, and as shadows grow close don't be afraid There's nothing you can't face And should they tell you you'll never pull through Don't hesitate, stand tall and say I can make it through the rain I can stand up once again on my own And I know that I'm strong enough to mend And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith And I live one more day and I make it through the rain A New Horizon.
Sunday, May 27, 2012  
^ and that's my 4am face. Lol
♥
Ah, I feel... renewed. I'm going to admit that the power of positive thinking is unfathomable. I can't even begin to describe why it is powerful, in my humble opinion. If you believe in yourself enough to accomplish something, you will relinquish the victory. It's a sweet taste in your mouth that will roll off your tongue, very much like sugar. Or chocolate, if you're like me.
I speak as if I've just emerged victorious out of fight haha it's less dramatic than that. Yet it remains significant to me. I'd like to share that I feel good very recently, as though I've won a battle. I thought hard (cause that's what I do, yes - I overthink) and I realised it's because, with each moment, I am closer to winning a fight - a fight against myself. It's not literally a fight but it's just the same - violent, brutal and extremely tiresome. I found myself bouncing back and forth, between smelling victory at the end of the line and being pulled back to the starting line. At times, I felt conflicted. The lines between who I am and who I can be, or who I want to be, was blurred and I got so close to raising the white flag. But no, I refused to.
And I am glad I did not throw in the towel. Self-belief is a part of having faith, and my faith taught me to realise that I am flawed. Once I accept that fact, I will deal with my flaws properly. I am learning that it is a continuous journey and that things don't fall into place magically though a little magic always helps. I know why I feel good recently. I have finally discovered that I am a believer. Much love, hugs and kisses. Till next time xo Powerful.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Not regretting that I lost precious sleep staying up watching 'White Oleander'.
Heel Up, ladies!
Tuesday, May 22, 2012        
xoxo
Ah, I had such an amazing start to a brand new week! Met up with the girls, Nens and Dhi (Jaye, who is still in Laos, is badly missed btw xx) for a day in town. Dhi and I met up earlier to catch 21 Jump Street over at Cine, while dear Nens snored away till the evening. Had a good time laughing throughout the movie. It was real funny, yes but I just think Channing Tatum looked way too old to be a high school undercover albeit a very hot one! *gushes* OH and I got super excited when my husband (also known as Mr Johnny Depp, btw) appeared towards the end of the movie! I didn't know he was in the movie. *gushes even more*
After Nens arrived in town, we finally made our way to Primitive Art to complete our second mission of the day - getting Dhi's navel piercing. I felt so nervous and excited for her, it was too hilarious. I still can't believe she actually did it. Well, I've always wanted one! Perhaps... perhaps.
Anyway we spent the rest of the night chilling out and talking over coffee and caesar salad till it was time to head home, since each of us has a long Tuesday ahead.
And now I must say this: For once, in a long time, my heart feels very much at home.
I thank God.
Till next time xo Love, not mere possession.
Sunday, May 20, 2012  
So I escaped reality for a little bit this weekend. I packed my bag on Friday morning for a weekend staycation over at my granny's. Work is getting interesting for me btw, finally getting the hang of it! It has been insanely busy at the store though due to our summer promotions. By the time I go back to work on Tuesday, the promo will be over though. I predict my hands will be less busy then.
Anyway, I had such a lovely Saturday. It started off a little too emotionally early in the morning... after which, things started to move along and get way brighter. It's intriguing, really, how things just fall into place once you allow them to. There's not much place in a human's heart for grief, I suppose? I believe it's the imperishable hope within us all, or at least within me - that which allows me to move along with time and accept the harshest realities in my hands. Pardon me for digressing.
Afternoon came and I tagged along with Kak Wati to visit my other cousin's newborn. It's a little baby girl named Lovevia Luna Demelda. Oh God knows why Kak Lily (baby's mom) chose such a name for her. I like it but I feel it's a little much, no? Hehe I shall share with you that her first born, my nephew, is named Rydel Anaqin Dermawan so I suppose it's only fair that his little sister gets a gorgeous name too.
Ah, and then I spent my night in town. Had dinner with Kak Wati before she headed home while I met up with Nens, Eera and Hafiz. I am SO glad I got to catch up with my babygirl, Eera. Undoubtedly, I filled her in with all that's been happening in my life (nah, it's all really not as dramatic as it sounds) while she filled me in with her updates and... wait for it.
THE BIGGEST NEWS ALERT EVER: I will finally get to go to school with Eera!!!! We have literally waited years for this to happen, as in for us to go to a school together. And it is happening now, at university level?! Talk about perfect timing. I'm so happy for her that she got to pursue what it is that her heart has always called out for. Most importantly, I'd be schooling with my best friend. I've always known there's a silver lining somewhere, amidst everything - now, I found it.
Okay I have to "calm my tits" and contain my excitement. Seriously, I must say that I am looking forward to Year 3 already ^^ Moving on, we ended Saturday off by catching 'Dark Shadows' at midnight over at VivoCity. I won't say it's the best movie I've watched but hey, Tim Burton + Johnny Depp? Enough said, yes. Alright it's 4.30am on Sunday morning now. Ah, I've had a really long day. Till next time xx Goldfingers.
Friday, May 11, 2012  It's always an amazing feeling - to have all the time in the palm of your hands, with no rigid schedule pulling your every hair out. Just yesterday, I was relishing in the freedom of having no qualms about anything at all. I woke up naturally at god-knows what time, worked my ass out for an hour or so, took a long cold shower afters, and finally sat down in front of my dressing table. With the music blasting in the background, I took my own sweet time deciding what 'look' it was that I wanted to pull off for another lovely meet-up with my ladies. I decided it was time for the natural-looking face, no dark tones whatsoever. It's all bright and sunny in summer, after all. After the make-up was done, choosing what to wear got a little simpler. I've always loved colour blocking and voila, there you go. There can be no denying that getting ready is half (or even more) the fun of going out, for us girls. In Jenna Marbles' words, "it's like foreplay". You got that damn right, girl.     We girls literally spent hours over at our go-to spot (don't you dare crash it, people), simply soaking up each other's company. I don't think I've mentioned this before - my 3 girl friends above, and I, we're sole sisters. No spelling error there, and the pun is purely intended. All four of us have the same shoe size! IT IS FATE. I swear, our feet size brought us together or something. Much love xx    
Oh yes! I finally tried Skinny Pizza over at Raffles City. The pizza is delicious. I was beyond satisfied. I'll definitely have a second trip, and a third.
   Partying at night as a farewell to Jaye (who is now in Laos for 3 super long weeks!!) was a blast, obviously. Nothing goes wrong with awesome company and a little loss of self-control. Well, most of the time, at least. Ah, I had such an amazing Wednesday... my Thursday, which was spent working in the evening, just pales in comparison. I managed to catch up on my TV shows though, so that kinda brightened my day. Till next time xo Refinement.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012 
2012 has proven to be filled with so much intensity and it's only the beginning of May. I am oh-so-glad that another semester has come to an end. 2 whole years of being in university is over and done with. I'm halfway there. How surreal. The past few months have been filled with memorable times mingled with unavoidable dramas. Most importantly, I have grown to love more, to love better.
There were countless events, parties and celebrations that I attended in the midst of exam preparations and the hectic schedule of the previous semester. The pictures below are among many of the beautiful memories I've captured and sealed in my heart. The random outings and meet-ups with lovely friends and relatives undeniably enriched the first quarter of my 2012. Despite my occasional relapses of impulsiveness and lack of self-control, I no longer feel dragged down too deep in the filth and rags of constant bitterness. Perhaps, I'm beginning to accept what used to be such an elusive idea to me and I'm definitely more willing to learn. And to forgive.
This summer break, I look forward to executing my never-ending plans (lolz I always have so much to do), which mainly revolves around me making use of every single second of the holidays!! Thank God my part-time job position does not take too much of my summer, lucky me for getting a job with flexible working hours. There'll be endless pictures coming up in my upcoming blog posts, for this girl on her break will cease to stay home ;)
Till next time xx
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Much love, hugs and kisses to all xo |
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